My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
