My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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