Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
