last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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