the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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