He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
