just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
