Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
