i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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