it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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