my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm getting married
To pizza
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
