We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
