please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
