It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
