I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
