Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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