Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize