I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
