can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
