I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
