i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
