Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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