Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
