Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
