Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When are your genitals available?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
