Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize