i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
