There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
