how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
