I wish I could punch you in the face.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
