he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
