Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
