Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
