I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
