Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
