Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have post one night stand depression
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
