She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
