I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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