im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize