he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
