TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
