Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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