I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize