can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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