Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
