Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
