Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
