Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
