OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm like, not good at living.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
there is puke in my bra ... again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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