Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
