Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
