Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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