so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
