I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sarcasm needs its own font
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
