youre lurking in front of me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
