I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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