Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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