Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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