Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
