You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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