Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
