Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
