I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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