How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
