as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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