ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
