I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
