We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
