All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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