Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
