she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
