An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
