Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize