dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
