Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
