My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
